If Wife Constantly Says “No,” Is It Acceptable For a Husband to Stimulate Himself?
January 22, 2012
The second part of this question is answered in another article on masturbation. The real issue is the first part of the question. Why is a wife constantly saying, “No” to marital intimacy?
Sex is a gift from God.
Why wouldn’t a wife want to enjoy sex as a God given gift? Sometimes there are deeper issues, such as abuse in a woman’s past. Perhaps she was raped or molested as a child. This has given her a distorted view of sex. Maybe she sees sex as dirty and not as a gift from God. This needs to be talked about with a professional counselor.
It is important for a wife to realize that withholding sexually from her husband is not just a preference, it is sin. This husband is obviously experiencing pain and frustration. The wife is causing him that pain. She is not serving him and loving him. Sex in marriage should not be source of frustration for either partner. It should be a source of joy. If you were sexually sinned against, don’t pass on the hurt to your spouse and sin against them. The Bible is clear about the importance of a husband and wife having an active sex life where they serve one another sexually.
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:3–5 (ESV)
If you are not having intimacy frequently enough that both people are satisfied, there are problems that begin to develop.
I have met couples where the wife uses sex as a tool for manipulation. She essentially says, “If I don’t get what I want, you won’t get what you want.” That is very disrespectful. It is a form of marital prostitution where sex is paid for not by money, but by chores and favors. That is a sin that needs to be repented of. Marital sexuality is a means of blessing our spouse, not manipulating them.
Sex is a gift from God.
Why wouldn’t a wife want to enjoy sex as a God given gift? Sometimes there are deeper issues, such as abuse in a woman’s past. Perhaps she was raped or molested as a child. This has given her a distorted view of sex. Maybe she sees sex as dirty and not as a gift from God. This needs to be talked about with a professional counselor.
It is important for a wife to realize that withholding sexually from her husband is not just a preference, it is sin. This husband is obviously experiencing pain and frustration. The wife is causing him that pain. She is not serving him and loving him. Sex in marriage should not be source of frustration for either partner. It should be a source of joy. If you were sexually sinned against, don’t pass on the hurt to your spouse and sin against them. The Bible is clear about the importance of a husband and wife having an active sex life where they serve one another sexually.
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:3–5 (ESV)
If you are not having intimacy frequently enough that both people are satisfied, there are problems that begin to develop.
- Bitterness - You start to despise your spouse, because you are expecting sexual frustration, not sexual satisfaction.
- Temptation - Other people become more attractive!
I have met couples where the wife uses sex as a tool for manipulation. She essentially says, “If I don’t get what I want, you won’t get what you want.” That is very disrespectful. It is a form of marital prostitution where sex is paid for not by money, but by chores and favors. That is a sin that needs to be repented of. Marital sexuality is a means of blessing our spouse, not manipulating them.